Where Joel's Heart Is

A mega-church that can hold 16,000 people sits idle while thousands of flood victims seek shelter. Thus does Prosperity Preacher Joel Osteen show the truth of Matthew 6:21, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Store up treasure in heaven, you're going to be heaven-focused.  Store up fifty millions in private planes and bling here on Earth?  And yeah, Joel's going to be Earth focused.  Thus it almost always is, with the biggest of the boys.  

Oh, look, Joel has a picture of his God behind him.

Oddly enough, I get why he's not opening.  Or at least why he's not opened yet, I'm expecting an about face due to public pressure.  There are other agencies offering aid, and opening that church to the great - and literally unwashed - masses would do a million in upkeep and damage, and there'd be some liability risks.

But he should have anyway.

Let's put it this way.  We keep a list here at 490 Outreach of every person we've took in.  Name, date they came in, what they paid, why they left.  When we first started, we didn't know nothing about nothing.  Just that we were trying.  

That's reflected in the first half dozen names having "zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero" after them.  Half a dozen times we got took.  Yes, yes, each time we kind of knew better.  Yes, it would have cost less to have the house sit empty.  Yes, there were liability issues.  But as I said at the time - and plenty of times since, "The goal is for them to succeed."

You can't do that if they aren't there.  You can't do that if you don't take a chance.  You can't do that if you don't put love over liability and care for others over concern for cash.

Oh, now, don't get me wrong, you can't run a business on peace and light and rainbow-scented unicorn farts!  And by the seventh guest, money up front was a requirement just for us to stay solvent.  If we didn't get in program fees, we'd not be able to stay open to help anyone.

But ever since, and even now, we will get people who don't have the money up front.  Our mission, after all, is to aid those who just got out of a rehab and having nothing, need a hand up.  True, we lean very heavy on they finding a sponsor before moving in - that is, a mom or cousin or friend.  We justly believe that if there is no one who trusts them with a loan of fifty, then we should be cautious about that, too.

Case by case.  For while we swear we won't each time - as 99% of those we take in with no money down stiff us - we still do it.  Here and there, now and then.  Or as my wife says, "Here and here, now and now."

But the goal is for them to succeed.  The only way to a perfect sober living home would be to keep out all the drunks!  Or in Joel's case, he's trying for perfect church - by keeping out all the lost lambs!

I get it, though.  The things that people who are poor, down on their luck, and without cash of any kind will do when you take them in would truly surprise you.  We know it has endlessly surprised us.  I've thought about what Mark Twain said about the difference between taking in a dog and taking in a man. There's much truth in his cynical quote.

We've been hurt quite badly before by what some will do when you take them in for free.  So I know what Joel is thinking.  He bets that some will not wait in line for the bathroom, but will urinate in the corner.  And he's right, that would happen.  He's thinking that others would take a dump on a plushly upholstered chair, just out of spite and anger at him having nice things and they not having anything.

And Joel's right - my wife and I know for sure that they would.

Joel's worried that others will steal whatever isn't bolted down, or take more of any service than they need, or treat you like you're a servant instead of a benefactor and mock you no matter how kindly you try and treat them.

Wow, that Joel must be a psychic, because yeah, that's pretty much EXACTLY what they'd do!  Joel would have to roll up his sleeves and do a lot of clean up after.  Like that time that I had to carry a big plastic container of human waste out of a basement, trying not to spill it on myself.  Or empty out, with a cup, a clogged toilet.  Or replace four lampshades at once, as they had each been deliberately smashed.  Or replace every single light bulb, as someone must have had a girlfriend who needed to light a brand new apartment, and figured, "Who has ten bucks, let's just take Dean's!"

It's not all bad, though.  And it is the job.  The job is to help.  To care.  To hope and pray mightily that they succeed, and do all you can in the meanwhile to help that be possible.  This morning I got to take a man to work, his first day of work, at 5:30 in the morning.  He just arrived here last Friday.  We have high hopes for him, and we think those hopes will be justified.

We have a 15 to 20 percent success rate.  And it's worth it.  It's sure worth it to the 15 to 20%!  

And that's what Joel has really forgot - or never knew.  His job was never to get rich.  His job was to aid others.  His job was not have a private jet.  It was to make sure that those in his care had every chance to succeed, such that if they did not, they would at least then have gained a valuable lesson. The lesson being that it was not the fault of others, but their drinking or their mistakes.

We strive with each guest for they to have every advantage, because all the advantages in the world are hardly enough to aid someone in overcoming alcoholism and addiction.  But there's old Joel, worried about normal folk down on their luck tracking mud on his carpets!

It's called insurance, Joel.  And trust in the Lord that if you do His will, He won't let you fall too far. So far, He's not let my wife and I fall too far.  It's called caring about those you minister to.  It's called ministering to the least of these my brethren as Christ said.  Remember Christ, Joel?  The guy who's name you collect money in?  

Joel has lost the mission.  We've seen other charities lose their mission.  Where you can look at them and see that it's about the cash instead of the care.  Where in a choice between giving up on some care or giving up on some cash, then it's tough luck to those who needed care.  

You can tell at a glance, when their "admin costs" go past 10%.  Or when the advertising budget is larger than the outreach budget.  When the salaries go past six figures.  Then past the low six figures.

You can tell when people all over that poor area are helping each other out as best they can, and a 16,000 seat facility, safe, dry, comfortable, sits empty.

I saw on a friend's feed, a link as to how to give to a couple of well known names in Big Charity.  I would encourage everyone instead seek out their own churches in that area, of whatever faith or denomination, and give through them.  Bring back a bit of the personal touch, where the costs won't be ate up in overhead and admin costs and "awareness" and fat cat salaries.

And certainly do not give to Joel Osteen.  He could have took a chance, and trusted in the Lord to sustain him.  But we see now he has no trust in the Lord.  He chose to close his doors to the flock, when the flock needed shelter the most.  He chose his carpets over care of others, his chalices over the children of Texas, his wealth over the weak and wandering.

His heart?  Look to wherever you like for it, but don't look in the flood ravaged areas.  It sure isn't there.

"Just" Pot

I let a guy move in on Monday who said he'd be able to pay the $50 weekly fee - that we usually get up front - on Thursday.

Guess what happened Thursday?

Addiction, meet Dean's financial chin.

Yeah, he left and never came back. Not telling me upfront just meant that I wasted a few hours last night waiting up for him, and calling the hospitals and jail.

In bagging up his stuff this morning, I noted that he had took most of his stuff with him. Of the things he left behind was a bag of wet laundry - I have no clue why, the dryer does work - some random self-help books and a power drill worth a few hundred bucks because it has a special lithium battery.

Interestingly, it said "Warehouse Only" and I hadn't remembered that being his name!

I knew he had found some work, for a day, at Barney's, so I had a pretty good guess as to where the drill came from. The other guests told me that he had tried to pawn it, but pawn stores don't like buying stuff that clearly shows that it's stolen and has no charger to go with it!

That and he didn't even have his ID.

Wait...what?

Yeah, see, when a guest moves in, we get that $50 up front because we want to deter anyone just wanting to rob the place. It's not unheard of for an addict to move into a place just to rob it the first night.

At our sober living homes, we don't have anything there to steal that is worth $50. So getting that money up front means that we're deterring casual theft. And it's why we don't provide flat screens, but just the old fashioned TVs.

In this man's case, he not having the fee up front, I had told him that I'd have to hold his ID till he paid the first fee. He agreed. I had figured that no one would walk away from an ID that would take $20 to replace. Or steal while I was holding his ID.

I should know better.

So he blows off his ID just to get a free place for three days. And he blows off a good job just to steal a drill the first day, a drill that he can't use or pawn. And he blew off the temp agency, as when I returned the drill the foreman said he was going to call the guy's temp agency.

That foreman had been happy to see me this morning. I went before they opened and an employee let me in the docks. I said to the foreman, "Hi, I run a sober living home, and I believe you had a man working here named Xxxxx Xxxxxx?" He said, "Is this about the drill?" Bingo!

He related that he had been planning on reviewing the footage of the cameras later in the morning, because he knew it must have been him. First day, stuff walks off site. Not a difficult conclusion.

He also shared with me that while working that first and last day, the guy had asked others if they knew where to get pot. And I had heard from the other guests that he had asked them where to get pot.

Which brings me to the point of this tale.

Pot is not "just pot" and I get tired of hearing that it is. I get tired of hearing that pot is "no big deal" or "harmless".

Now, if all that is meant by that is that pot is not as bad as heroin, fine, I get that. And being shot isn't as bad as having you and your whole family shot. But one does not have to be the peak of badness to be bad.

Pot is bad. Like alcohol and other drugs, it habituates the young mind to rely upon the artificial for pleasure instead of good, clean pleasurable activities like walks in the park, charitable outreach, team activities, sports, reading and a thousand other good things.

Pot is a gateway drug - and yes, so are cigarettes and alcohol. By that I mean that it leads to ever stronger drugs, as those who have got used to getting pleasure artificially then want to move on to stronger stuff.

Always? No, not always. I know some who having smoked pot or drank beer do not move on to heroin. Obviously. Or meth or crack. Obviously.

But you want to know what else I "obviously" know? It's that EVERY SINGLE GUEST I've ever aided here, for heroin, meth, crack and such, has ALSO in their past smoked marijuana.

They all started with this supposed "little" stuff. Ciggs and booze and pot. And bizarrely - thanks, pot activists - some just start with pot, because they hear that cigarettes and alcohol are bad for you, but that pot is "good for you"!

Pot is NOT "good for you". It does NOT cure cancer, or there'd be no more cancer in Colorado now, would there? *smacks forehead* And no, you cannot build a car out of pot plastic and fuel it on hemp oil and have the exhaust cure grandma's lumbago! I've seen a lot of idiocy over forty plus years, but the Pot Religion - and yeah, it's a religion - is the stupidest. And most harmful.

This is where I'll get a lot of comments - which will be deleted and the posters banned - of this study or that study or this article from High Times or that link from I-Love-Toking.cm and none of it will actually matter.

Studies are for those who do not already know a thing. You will never find yourself looking up a study on "Does hitting your thumb with a hammer hurt?" as you have no doubt hit your thumb with a hammer, and you know that it does.

Likewise, in my case, I just saw a man who had no money and no place to go get to move into a nice, safe warm house without paying a dime up front. I saw him then get a temp job that would have lasted a month, easily, and possibly turned into full time employment.

Within literally two days of me taking him in, he had a place to stay, food and work. To keep that, he had only to pay $50 on Thursday, then $50 a week thereafter. He could have saved his money, got a car, got an apartment, led a happy and productive life.

He did not throw this away to shoot up heroin. He did not throw this away to drown his sorrows in demon rum. He did not throw this away to smoke crack. He did not throw this away to smoke or snort or shoot up meth.

He spent that time asking other guests, and other co-workers, where to get pot. And he stole in preparation to get money for pot. And getting one day under his belt, and thus "owed" $40 or so, he walked off the job, and then walked away from here, so he could spend that money on getting high.

"With a little help from his friends", as the song that lauds pot says. Except he has no friends. Just the usual casual "stoner" buddies that will hang with him while he's buying and he's treating.

Now, I'll be honest, what I've described is darn rare. Most people I will admit are not so into pot. He's a real outlier, no doubt. Most stoners would have kept the job, got a small bag, paid me partially, and then came home high thinking that no one could tell because they're so gosh darn cool about it.

Then they'd have lost the job in a few days, instead of a few hours, and been booted out next week instead of leaving on their own this week.

And if this is where you are just dying to write to me about how you or someone you know has smoked pot recreationally for twenty years and it's all good, spare me. I've known some who can casually drink all their lives, so what?

I'm dealing with addicts - and this horrid myth that pot is somehow safe and good and cool. It's not.

Oh, and as an aside, I had needed that promised money. I mean, yeah, that stacks up pretty small due to the far sadder issue of this 30 year old guy blowing his life on pot. Losing jobs, losing homes, stealing, lying. But still. It was a surprise uppercut to my financial jaw all the same.

But we'll live. I'm sorrier for him than us. I've literally, as I wrote this, already figured how to accommodate the deficit. So his damage to me is now done. But the damage this poor guy is doing to himself? To his life?

I do not think he has even begun to conceive of that. Nor have those pro-pot folks out there who are so ecstatic about this virtual legalization of this harmful substance.

Eight and Nine

Recently at a dinner with friends, one of them related the sad story of an adult child who was messing up their own life.  I offered that possibly this was over some drug and/or alcohol abuse.  They were not sure. I said, "I hope so.  Because those can always be quit.  Bad behavior just for the sake of bad behavior - not so much."

It's true.  And for that reason, I am in some odd ways glad that I'm an alcoholic.  And addict.  Though long time recovered now, of course.  But back when I was an active addict and alcoholic, I also had bad behaviors.

And given my alcoholism and addiction, I could - and did - assign them all to my substance abuse.  It was like a handy free pass.  Booze made me.  The drugs.  Not me, I'm great!  And if just quitting - without any AA - had been all I did, then I'd still really suck as a person.

Because the truth is some of my bad behaviors were just bad behaviors, made worse by addiction, but present in me all the same.  But in the monumental task of giving up alcohol and drugs, I was able at the same time to work on getting rid of some of those bad traits.

And generally succeeded.  Not that it's not always a process.

Makes me almost feel sorry for those who "just" have the bad traits, but no alcoholism.  They never know to go and get treatment!  There being no, "I'm just a regular jerk-anonymous" meetings!

Any way, here's two of the steps that pertain to being less of a jerk, and making some solid changes in yourself as far as others see you:

Step 8:  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9:  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except where to do so would injure them or others.

- From the 12 Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous

Hard steps.  Hard steps for anyone, if you think about.  And very hard for an alcoholic/addict still plowing through the 12 steps of recovery.

But they're worthy steps.  Important steps.  And like each other step, crucial and unskippable steps.

Like I said, these steps give you opportunity to get rid of more than just the addiction, you can get rid of some character flaws, too.  Before the active stages of my alcoholism I was haughty and proud, and living a life of hedonism and materialism.  I was focused entirely on wrong things, I was nothing for others or for Christ, I was attending no church and would have laughed at the thought of doing so.

I was a jerk.  I was a stronger word than that, but I try to keep it G-rated here!

Going through active alcoholism for a few years did a lot of damage to myself and others.  For alcoholism is a disease that affects more than just the person who has it.  But in recovering from it, it has made me a better person than I was before.  Like those broken Japanese cups mended with gold.

The gold is Christ.  I'm the broken shards.

Because part of the Steps in the 12 Steps is that after you stop drinking and/or drugging, you have to then realize, "Wait, I'm still a jerk."  And then take steps to stop that.  Because if you don't, if you don't learn a new way of looking at things and living life - a life with the acknowledgment of a "higher power" that I know to be God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit - then you will inevitably fail and relapse.

So we get then to Steps Eight and Nine.  Where you're making up for being a jerk to others.

Eight, I feel comfortable that I have done this step.  Nine, well, yes, I have done this step...but it gnaws at me sometimes.

You see, you can go two different ways on Step Nine, each bad.  Some are going to make amends, no matter what, and will actually harm further those they have already wronged, under the guise of "making amends".

These types did not learn the real lesson of that step, and are being selfish.  They just want opportunity to brag on their recovery, they know there is no amends that can be honestly made to their ex or their kid or their friend or whoever they wronged.

Other types go the other extreme, and under the guise of not wishing to cause further emotional distress to any they wronged before, fail to make any amends, and just ignore all those they previously hurt and call it good.

That, too, is for selfish motives, in this case not wanting to admit just what a bastard they were to their family and friends.

In the middle is most of us.  We're the ones who contact some we wronged where we think that it won't harm them further to hear from us, and offer apologies and amends.  The apologies are with rare exceptions accepted, the offer of amends is usually not.

Most who have dealt with alcoholics and addicts are aware of the relapse chances, not to mention the "FoS" chances (Full of Something chances).  And thus are of the mind to say things along the lines of, "That's great, knew you could do it." but then still not wish to have any renewed relationship.  And that's fine.

And those of us in the middle also have some we don't contact.  Often this is an ex.  Or in my case, exes.

In the case of one, well, I did most all the wrong, she did little of it, but it would only bother her to hear from me again.  Knowing this, I did not reach out.  But that frets me every once in a great while.

In the case of another ex, well, she did most all the wrong, though I did some wrong, but to have any contact with her for any reason would only stir up a hornet's nest.  After all, this ex had been so crazy - my poor choice in marrying her was due to my active alcoholism - that she had stalked me and forced me to get a Protective Order against her.

Oddly enough, though, I sometimes fret about not having made amends there, too.

I would tell either of them that I'm sorry, if I could.  But in spite of my fretting now and then, I do recognize that it would do more harm than good.  Same with a variety of ex-family and ex-friends.

What would I say?  What would I do?  These are the 3:00 am questions that long recovered alcoholics get to ponder now and then.  I guess I'd paraphrase and riff off of Morgan Freeman's parole speech in that movie "The Shawshank Redemption".

"There's not a day goes by that I don't feel regret.  Not because of the divorce, or the estrangement, or because you think I should.  I look back on the way I was then, a stupid alkie thinking that the world was his oyster.  I would want to talk to him, to try and talk some sense in him - but I already did.  And it's got me to here. So now it's like I'm out, paroled already, but those I hurt may still feel bad.  And I can't go back to take away the suffering and heartache I caused.  And what can I do now that would in any way matter? That would dry a single tear that is not long dried already?"

"You read that in my voice, didn't you?"

I also console myself with the hope that as it's been at least 10 years, and more in many cases, that no one in my past should still be upset.  I've noticed in myself that no matter how upset I get with anyone, I can't hold it for more than a few weeks.  Okay, well sometimes a few months.

But for it to be any where near a year, there'd have to be some re-offenses going on, or I just forget about it after three months or so.  Life's too short.

I hope any former family and friends and exes and such see it the same way.  That having lead a relatively normalized life for roughly a decade now, that all can be dismissed, if not forgave.  I'm hoping that they have found some measure of peace, as I have.

What's odd, too, and what also keeps the recovering alcoholic's mind spinning in the wee hours of the morning is wrestling between two equally bad paths.  Where you take too little responsibility, and where you take too much.

The first is when you're all like, "Well, my boss was a tyrant" or "My ex was a such and such" so this was really on them, not my fault at all, even if I was drinking hard at the time!  The second is where you go the other extreme and want to ascribe every bad thing that ever happened to your drinking, like you're some kind of enormous factor in the lives of everyone!

The truth is as always in the middle.  My drinking had me doing some wrong that I am accountable for and sorry for.  And in some other cases, it wasn't that my drinking made me bad to someone, but rather that my drinking made me dumb enough to hang out with bad people, and then, predictably, bad things happened.

In not all cases was I innocent.  And in not all cases was I guilty.

But I'm sorry for the pain caused all the same.  If anyone in my past is net stalking me, please know that.

I've been punished for some things I didn't do, but not for other things I did do, so I can't complain.  I can't make amends to some who I'd want to make amends to, but I can try and aid all those I encounter now, and hope that some how it goes all around and back to them eventually.  I didn't get all the chances I'd have liked, but I can try and give chances and aid to others who might need them.

I get a lot of wrong done to me in my chosen profession.  I try to take it as penance.  I try to take it as a lesson on turning the other cheek, some times literally.  My life was gave back to me.  I can at least strive to aid others who haven't recovered yet, that they might have a chance to get their life back.

I'm grateful for AA, and my wife, and my faith, which has helped me get through this, including the ponderings and musings that still keep me up some nights.

And most of all for Jesus Christ, who has accepted my apologies and my confessions, and forgave me.

Nails!

They say that "for want of a nail the Kingdom was lost", and we see the opposite a lot here.  Where because someone aids with a nail - or even the whole shoe or the whole horse! - that the Kingdom is not lost, but saved!

These helpings, that come from a variety of different people, may seem small, but they are not.  They, like the nail in the proverb, are crucial.  For want of them, a concatenation of calamities may cascade down upon us, ending our ability to effectively minister to and aid others.  Yes, we try as much as possible to be entirely self sufficient, but as yet, that cannot be.

An aid then, even of something seemingly of no more significance than a nail, can make a big difference.

For instance, we paid the taxes on one of the sober living homes today.  One down, one to go.  This payment was courtesy of Josh Klingman!  (That's Josh Klingman of Custom Vision Painting, where those in the know go for ALL their painting needs!)  That's half a weight off of us, as September 1st is rapidly coming up and the tax collector waits on no man!

Is that a nail - or more like that whole horse! - that "saves the Kingdom"?  Well, yes and no.  It is true that had it not took place, that we'd have clearly been pursuing a variety of other options.  It is doubtful that we'd have faced utter collapse.  But in sparing us that particular calamity at once, it ripples out and allows us to use the effort that we'd have used on that crisis to avert other potential crises instead.

See, we've been undergoing a financial hit, as this is the second Friday in which we've two beds empty. Anyone knowing of a person who is in need of a sober living home should call us at once!

However, it would have been far worse, save for Brian Davis.  (That's Brian Davis of Davis Cleaners, where those in the know go for ALL their dry cleaning needs!)  Brian did electrical work in the basement earlier this year that let us accommodate two more guests, so instead of the financial hit being two down out of four, it's two down out of six!

Shout out to - well, she hates being mentioned, mores the pity.  But she aided a while back in a non-glamorous way.  Everyone likes to see their help do this or that specific thing, something that you can point to later and say, "See, that was me!"  Or, well, at least I like being able to show them something like that!

But this lady heard of a debt we had that needed paying and gave us the funds to take care of that. Non-glamorous, but crucial.  Not only did the debt need paying, but this means that any future windfall can go to more "glamorous" things, and so we're one step closer to other goals!  She's also busily seen to it this summer that we had a breathalyzer and a lawn mower and a window A/C, three disparate items that nonetheless have each helped!

Speaking of help, (names redacted, I'm sensing they'd rather I not mention it again!).  Oh, I gave them a shout out before, but their fixing of the car has made a world of difference.  Not to mention their keeping the van going longer!  As the French philosopher Bastiat once said, "there is what is seen, and what is not seen".

What was seen was the fixing of one car.  What was not seen, though the effect was as large as any consequences Bastiat ever described, was the blind lady who got to her doctor's appointment, the sober living home guest who got to work on time, the single mother and her kids who got moved in a timely fashion, a man who needed a ride to a possible job, and a man who needed a ride to a hospital.

And while this is a still in progress help, there's the Springfield First Seventh-day Adventist church! They're graciously letting us participate in their upcoming food distribution project, so we can aid in reaching many who could use a supplemental bag of groceries during tough times.  That's proceeding at measured pace, and as soon as a pantry is built, the application will be moving forward!

Now, all this does not mean that more nails aren't needed!  It's a non-profit, and as my wife and I are fond of telling each other, "We put the 'non' in 'non-profit'!"  There are the property taxes on the main sober living home, the 501(c)3 application fee and a project involving tuck pointing the foundation of one house, preliminary to painting both houses.  Not to mention four windows and some more gutters - yes, one house down, gutter-wise, one house still to go!

For the immediacy of the moment it's about the property taxes, though.  $886 due September 1st, we're obviously busy trying to throw money at that, and will be doing so for the rest of this month.  Had we six beds filled - which we hope to have happen soon - then things would be fairly okay.  As it is, any boost would aid for the moment.

Thanks!

21

“21”

I let a 21 year old guest have an overnight pass Monday night.  He didn't return in the morning.

Or answer my texts.  Or my phone calls.  Or when I messaged him on facebook.

He wasn't at either hospital.  Or the jail.

I waited up till 11 pm yesterday, and had messaged him that he needed to be back by that curfew time.

I went over to the main sober living home at 10:55 pm.

He wasn't there, but another guest told me that he'd heard from him and he wasn't coming back. And he didn't want his stuff.

Which means he's off partying so hard that he doesn't care, and figures he can "crash" wherever he's partying.

And high, changes of clothes are no real concern.

21.

I suppose I could be angry at him not bothering to have called me.  Or that he ripped his mom off for $50, she having been the one who paid his program fee.

But no, I'm not in the least angry.  Which kind of surprises me, but I'm older, I've learned to accept more, and this is not exactly the first time something like this has happened.

I'm sad. Hence me writing at five till one in the morning.

21.

All the potential in the world, but he'll spend easily the next 10 years, and maybe even 20, before he's "sick and tired of being sick and tired".  Because with the energy of youth, he's not even feeling the "sick and tired" yet. He'll have no good life now. That's not for him.

Not for him meeting a nice girl and settling down.  Nice girls don't settle down with active addicts/alcoholics.

Not for him the job that will turn into a career that will give him the capital and credit to acquire all that makes life easier.  Careers aren't for those who miss three days out of five and are useless for the two days they show up late to.

Not for him the nice house that can be turned into a home with the love of a good woman and the laughter of well cared for children.  Houses are for those with good jobs and long term vision, not those who's furthest planning into the future is for "where's the next hit, rock, shot coming from".

No, for the active addict/alcoholic, it's a life of idiotic drama that gets such importance ascribed to it, but is truly as Ecclesiastes described, "vanity" or "meaningless".

"Jimmy done jacked me over that rock I spotted him last week, he best be comin' up with that 20 spot or Imma gonna mess 'em up.  That was one fat rock too, you know I ain't all cheap ass."

Or

"She best be know'n who're man is, I hearin' this crazy sh*t 'bout her'n Ronnie an she goan wish she'd shagged her sorry ass back to her momma's stead of commin' round spectin' me to support her ho'n self."

Or

"My dad be all trippin' 'bout what he think I need doin' wit my life and ahm all lahk, what'd you workin' your ass off fo dah man evah do fo you, dint stop mom leavin' your ass when you got laid off now did it?  But he all like still not lettin' me crash out or spottin' me a bit to tide me over so I'm all like screw this and you too!"

Or

"You know I'm all good for it man, when any ever say I not be keepin' my word, words my bond man, any one tell you that, what you think I'd rip you off, sheet, I done know I aint that stupid, and you know that to, I know you do, just hook me up man, little sumpin' sumpin', just a bump to get me on through man, we cool?"*

Repeat.

And repeat.

And repeat again.

Year after year.  Twenties.  Thirties.  Sometimes, heaven help them, forties and fifties.

Sometimes it ends in the twenties, not for recovering but for dying some senseless death.  Overdose.  DUI.  Fight.  Sometimes it ends in the twenties or thirties with prison.

If it does not, it may end in recovery in middle age.

It rarely ends in death in the sixties - but only because that usually happened earlier, like they're Medieval peasants who can only expect - barely - to see fifty, and that's if they're lucky.

And those that do recover?

Oft times, by the time they're in their forties, too late for the wife and kids in the traditional sense. Too late for the thirty year mortgage.  And no real career for them, though there are still a wonderful variety of opportunities in the Food Services trades.

And besides that, they'll have less of old age than others, they need not fear reaching 80, and even 70 is sometimes a stretch.

Me?

Ahh, I was blessed to not go "active" till my thirties, and had but a few hard core years before grabbing hold of myself just before the forties struck.  I'm speaking of the majority, who sadly start in their teen years - poor or no upbringing.

Who had not my education.  Or my years of practice at living a real life as an adult.  Or my - and this surprised me - apparently above average ability to monomaniacally focus on one single goal and make it work in spite of everything.

I have come to the sad conclusion that for many who recover, there will be no house for them, as they weren't up for having a house even had they never had drugs or alcohol.  Recovery can put you back, and even make you a smidge better in some ways, but it's not going to add an education or IQ points or whatever it is that lets some make it and others just subsist.

Yet.

Yet.

I've never yet seen anyone who's life would not be better for getting clean and sober no matter how old they are when they stop.

I've never yet seen anyone who can't get a bit more financial comfort and security in their life just for getting clean and sober.  Even at fifty, even at sixty.

So don't get me wrong, it's worth fighting for everyone of all ages to clean up and dry out.  For their physical safety, their financial well being, their emotional recovery...and not the least, their spiritual salvation.

But did I mention he was 21?

Yeah, 21.  He started young.  Not even a "bad upbringing".  But whatever genetically based physiological flaws lead some into this more readily than others, whatever sociological and emotional and spiritual factors lead some into more than others, he obviously has thos.

And is not ready to change.

Now, there is no rule that says that he can't get sick and tired at 30, or 25, or even next year at 22. But I don't see that often.  If by "don't see that often" I mean "don't see that ever".

I see some in their twenties and thirties who go to rehab or come here.  But I never have seen it "stick" yet.  Usually they must be in their forties or fifties.  Late thirties seem as early as I've witnessed, though I'm sure some do it younger that I've just never come across.

But I've seen enough to know that such must at least be a bit rarer. Or maybe some how shake it off with the vitality of youth before it gets too bad.

Hopefully he'll be one of the rare ones that just shakes it off one day, like it was nothing, and then go and celebrate his 23rd birthday and do all the great things with his life that he could. But I'm thinking that doesn't happen very often.

I fear that instead he'll just party and lurch and move about, a friend's house here, a drug house there, a couch to crash on over there, this and that and this city and that and all that dumb drama I mentioned, random girls, some scattered children here and there, many jobs that last just the day or four needed for the bosses to realize their mistake, or even a month or so before another relapse because they "can handle it now".

And then he'll be 41, and at my door, or the door of someone else like me.  And then he'll be ready.

And?

Well, it will still be worth it.  But what a wonderful 20 years he'll have missed for the "pleasure" of drugs that by then won't have gave any semblance of pleasure for 19 of the 20 years.  Drugs and drink that will only be done routinely, automatically, joylessly.

He'll have made nothing of himself in the years that a man has to make something of himself and unless he's different like some few of us, he'll have to strive mightily just to get and keep the low level job, the small apartment and the very old car. He'll not only be recovering from addiction, but recovering from a life of drama, and most even who can kick the drugs, cannot kick the Jerry Springer-style drama.

They'll still be dealing with baby mama drama, various kids, past fines and fees, past misdemeanors, even past felonies, prison scarrings of body and soul, all the wreckage of two decades of demented debaucheries.

If only one had a way of getting a 21 year old to listen! It's like watching a guy amble towards the edge of the Grand Canyon, you yelling, "Stop! Stop! The edge is coming! You'll die! Please, please stop!!" While they amble on, looking back only briefly and contemptuously, giving you the finger and ambling onward.

21.

*the dialect wrote out in the drama section is common to all ethnic groups.  I have noted that it's not an "ethnic" thing, but a "poor", "ignorant" and "active addict" thing.  "Street", for want of a better term, where the street has every color, race, creed, sex and such you can think of, all wallowing in idiocy and addiction and proud of it. For instance, no one speaks more "street" than some idiot suburban boy who's never done a day of time, but acts like he just got out of Marion.

Pleasant Enough Morning

Got to attend a Chamber function today, where they honored Congressman Rodney Davis. He gave a talk on a tax reform plan that he'd like passed.

It was a pleasant time, though he did that trick where no matter what question you ask he's still just going to share what he came to share. Which was fine by me, that's actually what all of them do, so I expected it.

Not pictured: Me with the Congressman and
local business leaders!

It was actually kind of cool to watch these impossible segues where it was almost like a magic trick to get from "citizen's actual question" to "answer to the question the Representative had prepped for". I must say, he did it well!

It was funny that all the business men and women there had signs that said their name and then "President" of "AAA Company" and such. President, President, CEO, President. CEO, CEO, President. President, President, CEO.
Then little old me, "Program Supervisor"! Technically, I could claim the title of President, but given that the board is me, my wife, a friend of ours and two old - but shrewd - cats, it would seem silly!

When it came time to those questions, then even though they were supposed to be on the tax reform only, some lady complained about non-profits not paying taxes! Her particular concern was multi-million dollar hospitals, but still!

Everyone pretty much ignored this as off topic. The Congressman went ahead and shared what he came to share anyway while pretending it counted as answering her. Two people did give her stony faced looks that could have froze beer. Myself, and the lady who was from the only other non-profit there today!

Me, when that lady asked why non-profits aren't taxed.

Not that we make enough to be taxed even if we were a "for profit", but still!

(As an aside, our nation has always - wisely - chose for churches, charities and various other philanthropic endeavors to be untaxed, as historically the actual societal returns on this have greatly exceeded any possible good that could come from some of that going to the government. There are non-profits to cure measles and cancer and to provide food for the hungry and clothing for the naked and assistance to runaways and research into longevity and hospitals and shelters and about a million other things, including stuff you'd think was cool, and all that they all have in common is good people spending money voluntarily donated FAR better than the government would be likely to spend it! I might be persuaded to agree that a law capping salaries for the managers and executives and directors of such enterprises could be appropriate, but that is another story!)

I did enjoy myself, though. It was interesting to just sit there and look around, business leaders, news camera, Congressman and think, "Wow, I've sure come a ways since being an active alcoholic." and before too much pride could kick in, I followed that thought up with, "Wow, how much further could I have been already if I'd pulled my head out of the bottle sooner?"

Ahh, well. Life is good now!