A Stumbling Block Avoided

Often a man who's had a lot of trouble in his life will join the military.  It provides a fresh start, and an opportunity to show the world - or at least his family, his friends, his "circle" - that he's not the bad seed they may have thought, but an actually good guy.

Such fresh starts are invaluable.

Me, I had already served in the military.  But when I then lived a life of ups and downs and all arounds, culminating in falling prey to alcoholism and addiction, I also sought some fresh start.  For me, there was the charity that my wife and I run, and joining church.

The charity was to try and aid those in finding the recovery from addiction that I had found, and to give them the kind of "hand up" that I had hoped to find when I had hit rock bottom.  But yes, besides that good and decent motive, I also wanted what all men want, a chance to show those I care about, those who's opinions I value, that I wasn't really that down and out alkie any more, but a real man.

Same in joining church.  I joined for the clean reasons one should join for.  Love of our Savior, thankfulness for His sacrifice that allows even such as I to have a new chance, a new life.  But yes, sure, of course because I hoped that good and decent people would observe my changes, or as they did not know me then, observe the man I had fought hard to become.

In near half a century of a rather varied life, I've learned that everyone has such duality of motives.  A desire to honestly strive to be better and good, and the desire to have the respect of others who one values and looks up to.  Nothing wrong with it, and neither contradicts the other.

When you see a man in the military get awarded the Medal of Honor, or even so much as a Bronze Star, that man did not charge up a hill and risk sure death to save 12 people simply for the joy of the Medal and the admiration of his social set.  He honestly did it because somewhere along the line, he became the man he was striving to "pretend" to be, the work finished, he had improved, and he did in that moment what was in his heart to do.

He wasn't pretending to be a real hero then, he became one for real.

The medals then, if any, are but icing, but a delicious and tasty icing all the same.  Oh, sure, he did it for nobility, and he'd do it again, even without the recognition.  But recognition is nice all the same, and it can sadden him to not get it, especially when those about him say, "You shoulda got it, Joe!"

I have felt that for the past week or so.  But in truth, instead of the "why" of that being a sad thing, it's actually been something that has helped me grow a bit more, when I had thought that most of my personal growth was over.  If nothing else then, it's aided me in seeing that I do still have growth to do, and that is a good thing, not a bad.

What happened is that for a year, a great, good and busy year of starting a new food ministry from scratch - with the aid of many good people - I had finally won through to success.  This wasn't success in 490 Outreach, per se, but in the church I attended specifically.  490 Outreach partners with that church, so while I already have known that I succeeded in 490 Outreach, I had now received indication that I'd succeeded in church.

In 490 Outreach, my outward reward for the inward work done was when I joined the Chamber of Commerce and also when various other aid agencies started referring people to me.  And when such agencies would even contribute money to us.  This type of recognition was as if I had received medals, they validated what I had known.

Such was not why I had done such work in the field of sober living homes, but they were a very, very pleasant validation of who I had become all the same.

Like a wise philosopher once said, "A spirit too needs fuel, it can run dry." - and such recognition of a man's spirit is fuel to those who strive hard.  And what's often forgot is that weak and flawed alcoholics and addicts have to strive twice as hard just to achieve half as much as the blessedly normal folk can expect.

I had been told of an opening to be coming open on the Church Board for over a year.  And in my (perhaps sinful) pride, I had yearned for it.  No, not to walk about saying, "Behold my glory" or anything dumb like that.  But for a validation of a variety of church work that I honestly enjoy doing and do for it's own sake, but do only because of a massive amount of inner work and inner struggle to self-improve myself from the selfish ***hole I had been through much of my active addiction life.

And as a third motive, a natural desire to contribute in a meaningful and important way in a church that I love.  Yes, I tithe, yes, I donate 30 plus hours of volunteer labor a month, but I felt that a say could also benefit the church.

I had forgot, of course, the scripture about those disciples in the Last Supper who had been bickering over who was the greatest.  No, no, this was not where I thought I was the greatest, I know I am not, I know that in fact far more than some others who would be quick to say I am not.  Just that I had erred in setting hopes on a recognition that I should have been more blasé about.

Suffice to say, I did not get nominated for the church board.  A 1/19th say in that Board was denied me.  And yeah, as a man who is the living example of the verse that says, "For all have sinned and fell short of the glory of God", I did feel pain over that.  And a bit more pain than usual, for instead of being offered the position, and instead of them just offering me nothing, I was offered a position that boiled down to "2nd Co-Assistant Junior Helper".

Kind of like busting your butt at McDonalds all year, hoping to be given the "Lead Worker" badge and then being offered a made up "2nd Co-Assistant Fry Cooker" badge.

And there was Satan.  Always nearby to stir things up.  He - or one of his demons - was quick to remind me of every flaw and foible of those who were nominated for such leadership positions.  Fortunately, as sinning as I am, I am not that dumb.  I do know well the foibles and flaws of such folks - as who couldn't, when I attend 99.99% of all church events and activities and 100% of every board meeting?

Then in what purely must have been Satan inspired, I found myself early at the latest board meeting and while quietly reading over the church budget notes had to hear one woman on the board say to another, "It's been hard to find those to fill the leadership positions, as they must be of good spiritual heart."

That made me sad.  I know I have such a heart.  But I resolve now to try to show it better.  I learned a long time ago that getting someone else to work harder is a fool's errand, but one can always strive to work harder themselves.

And, while I'm aware of the foibles of those who make these decisions, I'm aware of all their goodness, too.  It's funny, there are factions on the board, and one "dislikes" the other to such an extent that the word "hate" would come to mind, were it not that we are taught not to hate.  Yet I can, as I sit in the back of the room watching the Board meetings each month, dispassionately note that while each side thinks it's on the side of angels, that both sides - and the various minor sides - all love Jesus, all love the church, and all think they are doing what is best.

That by itself, over the course of this past year, has helped me to grow, and I am grateful for that.

I did the old "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" and even "on the other other hand" thing.  I know some of the clean reasons that could have been cited to keep me off that board.  But I also know that those reasons were probably a bit of a stretch, and it probably has more to do with just me not being there long enough, or having upset a wrong person, or just not being a "known" enough factor.  Or maybe, as some told me, it's just a "clique" thing.

And I know of my own flaws, times I could have tried harder to go easier on others.  And I know such flaws existed in others, but were forgave in them.  And I know that if they felt that they had a really clean reason for denying me a position that most thought I'd obviously get, they'd have shared it.  And as they have not shared it, that hurts, too.  Mostly for it telling me that I'm just not "one of them".

But after all the hands, and I think I had 23 hands by the time I was done pondering this (for I had wanted that recognition greatly) I settled on, "Even if they chose to decline me for wrong reasons, I'm either doing good for goodness sake or I am not."  So therefore, as I am doing good because I now have come to a point in which I truly value it, I carry on.

Funny, twenty years ago - even ten - I'd have railed against this to the high heavens.  Perhaps this was then a test.  Now I can just put it behind me, and get back to the good - and for me fun - work of aiding others in the food ministry, while continuing on with plans for growing our sober living homes.  Not only is that enough, it's more than enough.

And heck, there's always next year!  Perhaps there hearts will have softened by then.  Or perhaps I'll be recognized as having a "good spiritual heart".  In any case, I feel this was a Satan-inspired stumbling block, but one I'm simply going to jump over and continue to carry on.

Cautiously Optimistic!

A man walked into our sister church, Bible Chapel Church, just a bit over a couple of weeks ago.  He dropped a substantial donation in the plate. 

Substantial?  Well, I'm not saying that it was enough to have them then buy a brand new church.  Quite a bit less than that, by far.  But it was quite a bit more - by far - than just a twenty in the kiddy collection!

Then, as one Sabbath visit turned into two, it came out that he was homeless.  And without any means of support.  At 67, he had no job.  No home.  But he did have a car.

He had used that car to come from Texas to here.

We had no openings at 490 Outreach at the moment, but we will have an opening by the 18th of this month.  So I've offered, and he's accepted, to stay with us then. 

I reviewed his situation with him - well over half of our "aid" to others is just in hooking them up with the right set of circumstances, as many are unaware of the opportunities out there. 

I asked about jobs and skills and records and such, to see what could or could not be done.  In the course of this, I asked what was his base income now.  He said he had none.  I asked, "Well, what about your Social Security?"  He said he had none.

Wait...what?  I asked why he had not applied for it.  He said he almost did once, but some pop up on the online application was asking about his housing status and he thought he somehow then didn't qualify.

I let him know that Social Security was only a matter of if you worked and were a certain age.  He was skeptical, but I got him to agree to let me take him to the Social Security office.

I picked him up at the motel he was at - the kind folks at Bible Chapel had put him up there till they could figure out how best to aid him.  I took him to the Social Security office.  I assured him it would be okay.  I said that even if they "only" gave him $600 a month, our charge for a place to stay was only $280 a month, so he could not fail.

I related to him Matthew 6:33.  He said he understood.  As we sat and waited, for a long time, he shared how he got here.  A vision.  He didn't call it a vision, but that's what it boiled down to.  He saw "Toronto".  But knew it wasn't Canada. 

He checked Google maps in Illinois and saw at one point the word "Toronto".  As in the Toronto Rd. exit just south of Springfield.  And he got in his car and came here.  He had also seen a pretty white church in his view of the satellite image of our town.

And that church was Bible Chapel.  So he went there.  He said he knew the Sabbath was the seventh day.

Such things are a lot to digest.  You read or hear of such things, usually in some faith-based magazine, or on some evangelical video, usually far off, and if you're like me, sometimes you believe it, sometimes you don't. 

In our sober living home business, I take any exciting prospect with what I call "cautious optimism".  I hope for the best, but will not be surprised by anything less than best.  As I tell my wife, "Time will tell."

Well, it was his turn at the Social Security office.  He qualified alright.  And then some.  And for quite a bit more than $600.  Never mind how much, more than some folks I know, and enough to tell me that his work history had been quite, quite healthy.

And my optimism about a man's prospects always shoots way up any time I see that he is or was a hard worker!

Frankly, I was massively excited.  Given the cost of living in Springfield, he can now have a perfectly normal and comfortable life.  And I was quick to point out to him that this was a clear and obvious blessing from God. 

I've seen that kind of thing before - a person put off from what they needed and were owed, simply for misunderstanding it or not following through or even not having heard of it.  Usually just thinking they don't qualify or that something is for "others" not them. 

We reviewed his now many other options.  He'll be using our address for his mail.  He'll still be staying with us when that opening comes up, until he can get a bank account and some savings to then see what apartments are available.

He'll still be attending Bible Chapel. 

Meanwhile, he's not up for staying at a local shelter, I can't say I entirely blame him.  He's roughing it in his car, in a safe place, I've had to do that before, and know that it affords a bit more freedom and dignity than some shelters.

And I let him know that I can get him a shower every few days if he wants, and laundry facilities. 

I was able to get him an emergency box of food from the food pantry at Springfield First Seventh-day Adventist Church.  12 meals that don't have to be cooked, all in one handy box!  And our church also has quilts, so I let him pick one, because even if it's warm, the nights can still be cool. (I was, as an aside, also pleased as punch about the synergy I'm seeing between two local Adventist churches and our own Adventist-themed non-profit! This man needed a variety of things, and here between our churches and charities, we were getting him all those things!)

I dropped him off in the care of Brother Allen, from Bible Chapel.  And called the next day to make sure all is on track.  That was yesterday.  I'm still thinking about the man and his situation.  How funny and odd life is. 

I know what some are thinking.  What's the catch?  Well, I asked him all the usual questions, if there is a "catch" I've yet to come across it.  He says he simply wishes a fresh start.  I can personally understand that.  I had my own some years ago, but at an age still older than some.

So his is a bit older than mine, I still get it.  And perhaps he'll have more to share about the whys of that later.  Meanwhile, any man who simply attends church each week, harms none and does the right things to progress - well, if that's all a man does, that's enough in my book.

I'm cautiously optimistic!  Not for his success - I know for sure he can succeed now, it would, short of booze and drugs, be impossible to materially fail!  No, my cautious optimism is that he may well have been led here to learn more about our Savior and our faith, and to find a church home where he can spiritually grow and progress!

As I told a brother at Bible Chapel yesterday - those stories we read about this kind of thing in some Adventist magazine or Guideposts or such...maybe we're in one of those stories now!  Maybe this is his life's turn around point, and baptism and prosperity are here for him, right in our very backyard!

Time will tell!