Imagine, too, that you've conducted your affairs appropriately enough that this perfect and ideal third house - the last your non-profit will ever need - is offered to you by the sellers with zero down and zero interest, and on terms that you got to choose for yourself.
Well, like those who "win" a "free" car on a game show, the costs of that "free" car can be devastating.
So far we've spent more than $2,500 on a house we've not yet got. Closing is the third of June. How is that possible? Well, $200 for comcast - for internet for the new house - and deposits for utility turn ons, and $1,285 in title work and "etc", and $800 plus for extending commercial liability insurance and a previous few hundred dollars on an attorney (twice) to give us advance advice, well, sadly we're closer to three grand so far.
And we'll be paying $1,117 more on that date to the sellers. And another - extra - $102 to the utility company that needs a bit more than originally planned. And another $60 to the title company that needs a bit more than originally quoted.
All before we have a single extra guest move in. And bear in mind, this new house is only affordable by assuming a given number of extra guests. And the figures are good. I just went over them again, and month to month we'll be okay, even barring some of the to be expected random bobbles.
But we don't have those guests yet, though they are all - mostly - scheduled for the evening after the closing.
Are we then, the poor couple with no salaries or stipends, able to pull this off?
Yes...ish. We know that we only have to get over this first time, where all the costs are greatly extra and all the revenue still at the old levels. Next month, the costs will be normal and the revenue greater, so we'll be fine then.
We had savings. We had revenue flow. We had generous donors. Which is why we're as far along as we are. And we had good budgeting. We knew we'd be down to only $150 or so "extra", and knew that would immediately be going out to miscellaneous like a door lock or furniture or whatever else might be needed last minute.
But the "ish" comes in due to one main factor. The commercial liability insurance. As in no company wanted to insure us.
Oh, we've had homeowners insurance, of course. But in order to get as far as we've got over the past five years, we had to forgo commercial liability insurance. Till now, when we'll finally have enough houses to accommodate enough guests to afford it, and because the sellers won't close without us having that.
No one wanted to insure us because we've committed the two unpardonable sins in American business - we're small and poor. We're just a small mom and pop non-profit. A lemonade stand compared to the large ones like Sally Army or United Way. They have grants and endowments, we on the other hand put the "non" in "non-profit". And as such, I could tell the insurance agencies were saying "no" to me from the start.
After all, I grew up in Bloomington, Illinois, home of State Farm Insurance, and I was the son of an Insurance Executive there. I know how insurance companies say "no", and it's by they avoiding giving you a quote for as long as they can, and if you persist, giving you a too high quote, and if you persist raising it randomly until you give up.
Which is why today - over a month after I started asking - I only now got coverage. I had to call a dozen companies. Then call one of them daily. Then heard the first quote of 1.5 times as much per month as usual. Fat and rich companies get great quotes. We get lousy quotes, when we finally got that one at all.
Which I said "yes" to last week, not being a fool and knowing it had to be. Then, since that surprised them, as they expected me to say "no", I watched them send me an email saying that they'd need it all up front for the year, or split into four payments. No monthly plan.
So I said "yes" to four payments. So they requested extra forms from me. And I printed them off, filled them out, and showed up with the papers all in order and the check for the first quarter payment. A $490 check, if that gives you an idea of the total costs.
They were surprised.
Then after some hemming and hawing, they said that the check would have to be for forty percent of the annual cost. I said I was quoted four payments. They insisted. I argued, but did explain by saying, "I'd not argue this if I had it, but as you're asking almost double, I'm afraid I'm going to have to stick with the quoted four payment plan. You know, that quote good till July?"
After enough time of them playing with the computer for they to have wrote a whole new contract, they finally - almost gleefully - came up with a printed piece of paper that said, "Four payment plan: 40% for the first payment, and three subsequent payments of 20% each."
"We'll understand if you can't do that. And we're sorry, our hands are tied.", they said.
I said that they were about to witness some real flying by the seat of my pants financing, but sure, I'd pay the $780.
Silence.
"Is that okay?", I asked.
"Um...it has to be for $804.60.", they said.
"That's not forty percent of $1,950.", I said.
"Well...there's the fee.", they said.
"What fee is that?", I asked.
"The $25 fee.", they said.
"For what?", I asked.
"It's just the fee.", they said.
Oh. Uh huh. Well, if it's just "the" fee, then I guess I'd better pay it, I thought.
"Fine", I said. "Unless there is something else now?"
"No", they said. "That'll do it."
I could be wrong, but I think I might have earned their grudging respect.
I had $808 in the bank I drew the check upon, and I had confidently expected to have several hundred left over, but now would have $3 and change left over. But we're still in it.
Though now we're $190 short. Oh, you who know math are thinking we're a few hundred short, but $190 is what would get us through the closing day. Truth is, we already needed a couple of hundred more for an electronic door lock and maybe $150 more for miscellaneous odds and ends of furniture not quite got, so we could easily use five or six hundred bucks.
But we were already planning on how to take care of most of that kind of thing, so it's really just the $190 short that's the issue. That's what we need to finalize on closing day.
So there it is. For want of a nail ($190) the battle (third house) is lost. Well, perhaps that's a bit dramatic, if I had to pawn the car at the last minute, I sure would, because I'm sure not losing this house, but yeah, we need $190.
If you're reading this, please do not assume others will give. We spoke of savings and donors that got us this far, and so our "regular" donors have already gave. We need some folks to kick in a twenty here, a fifty there, and - dare to dream - even a hundred. That'll get us over this final hump.
Do not assume that twenty bucks is too small an amount, it is not, and would be gratefully received. Less than ten folks giving that would have us there. Four giving fifty would work just as well. But any amount helps.
We're aiding six guests now. After this, eleven. You're never going to see another time in your life when $190 will make such a profound difference.
