Off-site guests come in more than one form. Some I know from they having been guests here, others I know for hoping they'll one day be guests here.
For instance, there are those that I write to and visit in prison. Some from my church, one from an old church, some I just know. Some who know me, call me, not because I'm all that cool, but because I'll answer.
When an active addict lands in jail, well, it's like Moving Day for regular folks. You find out who your friends are. And while a person moving finds out they have fewer friends than they thought, the person who lands in jail usually learns that, oops, end of the line, they burnt out all their family and friends already, and now there's...well, no one.
Then they remember my card in their wallet or purse, and call.
I'm always very sorry for them. I am aware, without being down on myself, that I would be a very unlikely "first choice" for such a call. Like calls I get from hospital ERs, I know that I get called only when everyone else has refused to answer, or answered, but won't help. Which is fine, I'd prefer they try friends and family first, for the just in case.
I even have humorously remarked before, when a person I'm "counseling" seems to think that maybe they were not so bad off after all, or didn't really need to make any changes, "If you see me in the room, and I'm talking to you, you need to know that horrible mistakes have been made. If you in any way have to listen to me, know that you've messed up. No normal person needs to rely in any way upon my assistance, when I'm just an addict who cleaned up sooner than you have."
My wife doesn't always like me dropping what I'm doing and running off to the jail or one of the local ERs. But she understands. Once upon a time, when I'd actually already cleaned up and got better, I was picked up on an old warrant from another state. I was took to jail, and would have had to wait two months to be extradited, or I could post bail. Bail is a great thing - for those who are "normal" and have credit and savings and such.
Terrible for poor people for whom the lack of an $80 auto part means they're walking, and unable to afford even that, sure can't afford the "only" $300 of a $3,000 bail.
But I called a man I knew, who had been a leader in a church I used to attend. The man's wealth and position were as far above mine as a Feudal Lord's position was above a peasant's. But he dropped what he was doing and drove from Springfield to Taylorville, late at night, and posted my bail. I get teary eyed again just typing of what he did. So yeah, when someone calls me, I drop what I'm doing.
You'd not think there would be much I could do. But you'd be surprised. What most need is no more than some advice, or even just a sounding board for they to figure out what can and can't work, and the knowledge that they are not utterly alone. In this world of seven billion people, only addicts, former addicts, and some rare hermit on a mountain top, know what it's like to be truly alone. As you are probably wondering, it's unbearable.
And no, you driving 1,000 miles to a job that one time, all by yourself, was not "being alone", nor the time you kayaked down that river in Colorado to "find yourself". You knew you could call people, and that they'd answer. But when I stood, years back, out of gas in the middle of an empty road in Nebraska, looking stupidly at my cell phone and realizing there was no one on Earth I could call who would give a crap, yeah, that was "being alone".
And if you get a call from a jail or an ER, if you don't know that person all that well, then please, GO! For he or she must surely know that they don't know you that well, but are calling with the desperation of a person drowning, as there is no one else to call. Why do you think Jesus told us to visit these people in the first place?
So I'm there for them, and that helps them. And I actually do have some good advice, for the highly specific situations of drug and alcohol related medical and legal idiocies. Years of training and field experience paid off! Smh.
I also can do stuff that would seem small to most readers of this, but are great favors to them. I can call everyone else that might care a bit, and advocate for the person who could not get through to them. I've talked to moms and boyfriends and cousins and sisters and kids and gave the, "Well, he/she has made a lot of mistakes, but this is an opportunity for they to get back on track - a boost now, not of money, but of just you being there, could make a difference."
I can get mail and make sure they get it. Store stuff for them in my shed - most have little more than a backpack or old suitcase - and make sure it's safe for them for when they get out. This means showing up at a random drug house, and letting them know I'm here to pick up John or Jane's stuff. And you must glide past them at the door uninvited, while saying that, or they'll try to shut the door and keep the stuff.
I can usually keep it friendly enough that I then have the opportunity to scatter out more of my cards, for obviously as future guests go, these places are a "target rich environment"! I've even got calls from such before. And it's handy, as in our food ministry, I remember these homes - really, drug houses - and can go there and see if any need food. That answer is always "yes".
Many of the above are "potential future guests". Some only got my card from another and have never met me. Others are past guests. Kicked out for relapsing. Often times they left very angrily, with threats and curses. They'll apologize profusely, and I will wave it off. I am no stranger to speaking out of turn from uncontrolled emotions. I am aware of what booze and drugs can do to our judgment and manners.
Even years later, such effects can manifest themselves. Alcohol and drugs damage brains for the long term, so there are naturally long term effects. So I give the mercy that I'd hope for.
Are there some suckering me in all of this? Of course. I get calls from active addicts who tell me they are ready for rehab, can I come get them and take them? Early on, I'd go out, all eager, and they'd have me "just stop off at Jim's house" for a minute, to get their toiletries, and then, surprise! They had really just wanted a ride to Jim's house, and I'm sitting out there with a dumb look on my face.
Often times, they'd have me do several stops, all in theory on the way to rehab, but it turns out that having no car, and no money for a cab, they really just needed free rides and packed all those errands into a one or two hour mega-ride, and chose me as the sucker to do it. I call this being a "Craxi Cab Driver", and having more experience now, I still will do it - but the price is they must listen to me give them "the Talk"!
I get suckered in other ways. A person in jail is all about recovery while in, and I visit twice a week, I go give some plasma so I can put a $20 on their books, I do the errands on the outside that aid them. Then, final court day, I'm there with them, the judge releases them, they're free! Hooray! "We" did it! I give a thumbs up, they give me back a thumbs up! Bailiff smiles, everyone's happy! Now real recovery can begin, all the right things we talked about can be done!
I sit outside the courtroom, car idling at the curb, waiting for their final check out from the Sangamon County jail, and yep, there the off-site client is! But wait, what's this? They need to go talk to such and so in the car behind me for a second? Oh, yes, there is a guy in that car behind me, I wonder who he is? Wait - isn't that a drug dealer I saw at this one drug house that one time last month? What's he doing here? Wait, getting in? Why, I'm right here! Where are they going?
Oh.
That always makes me feel like Lucy Pevensie who said to Faun Tumnus in "Narnia", "I...I thought you were my friend."
But the thing is, in this "job" or ministry or whatever it is, you can't stop touching the stove just for having been burnt one or fifty three times. Your job is basically to touch that stove, in the hopes that one day it will not be hot, but be a magic stove, and your touch will mean that it pops out a Thanksgiving turkey and all the trimmings, and everyone lives happily ever after!
And at about a 10% success rate, it does seem like magic when it finally happens, but what it really means is that the person was finally serious, finally prayed to God, and was answered. As He always answers, when the person is serious. And He knows their real hearts where I cannot, so that means it's all the more important for me to keep trying with everyone, no matter how hopeless, so that they're at least fed and sheltered till they can wake up and accept His mercy!
And it has paid off before. Those ten percent. Others here and there. Like the boy who would throw a starfish back into the sea to save it from the rising sun, unfazed by the tens of thousands of more that would not be able to be saved. An old man asked him, "What difference does what you're doing make? You'll never save them all, you'll never even save a noticeable number!"
The boy picked up another starfish, out of the myriad of them, tossed it into the ocean and said, "It made a difference to him."
Amen.
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